tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post2542137845574153314..comments2023-11-03T09:34:09.373-04:00Comments on Building Cathedrals:: Popping Out of the BubbleJuris Materhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01717212659724234395noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-40248354532384183772008-06-15T22:09:00.000-04:002008-06-15T22:09:00.000-04:00I loved this post and I hung on every word, becaus...I loved this post and I hung on every word, because I understand it all so well.<BR/><BR/>You are going to be so missed here! I'm so sad that you've moved.<BR/><BR/>By the way, you always look beautiful; you're children are always well behaved; and they all have great haircuts!Alice Guntherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05998555457432426192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-55181006913560050182008-06-10T18:47:00.000-04:002008-06-10T18:47:00.000-04:00Hicks! I can't believe that you are reading this ...Hicks! I can't believe that you are reading this all the way over there! Thanks for the advice, I hate being alone and some interior life is certainly worth cultivating.Mary Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05245101141100590754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-63387367585184311572008-06-10T14:38:00.000-04:002008-06-10T14:38:00.000-04:00Anonymous, your gentle reminder is taken to heart ...Anonymous, your gentle reminder is taken to heart and extremely poignant, as it is easy for many of us to forget how *truly* blessed and privileged our lives really are. <BR/><BR/>Such thoughts are why I am so grateful for the Catholic Church and the emphasis it places on praying for the sick and reaching out to the poor. It does not let its flock stray to a self-centered life, but instead, builds Catholic charities, international missions, Hope houses for pregnant women... <BR/><BR/>Most Americans are incredibly spoiled, especially by the world's standards. Just being able to shop in a grocery store, no matter how budget-restricted, is an absolute blessing for us. The have food at one's fingertips is something most of the world does not know.<BR/><BR/>We can all do a better job of realizing the blessing of our current situation and continuing to reach out to those in need. <BR/><BR/>As bloggers, we will continue to keep in mind the vast differences among those who read the blog. Our hope is to be life-giving to all. Blessings to you.B-Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08889509365971309400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-27239526584815527872008-06-10T13:41:00.000-04:002008-06-10T13:41:00.000-04:00I know that this is all incredibly relative, but s...I know that this is all incredibly relative, but some of the recent posts have come across sounding as though you are not self-conscious of how privileged you all are. The vast majority of Americans do not have fathers and grandfathers who were attorneys (the majority in fact do not have parents who even attended college). The vast majority did not attend Ivy League schools, and shooting for "Ann Taylor" instead of "Chanel" is laughable-- I strive for "Target" but because I can't afford it, I usually hit resale stores. Many of us live with three or four children in 2 bedroom apartments, so "only" being able to get a house "a few levels above a starter" sounds whiny. I guess when you are rich, and surrounded by people who are even richer, it can seem hard- again, I know it's all relative. But to put it in perspective, I think many of your readership lives off incomes under $50,000; many Catholic families I know live paycheck-to-paycheck, and buying airline tickets to attend a wedding is simply out of the question. Compared to mid-America, playing the "po" card because you can't afford luxury vacations might not elicit sympathy so much as eye-rolling. I am not trying to pick on anyone, just to gently remind you that you are all in a very, very tip-of-the-bell-curve group, whether you realize it or not, which might call for some measure of sensitivity towards those who are in the center.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-42876515325502690022008-06-10T13:40:00.000-04:002008-06-10T13:40:00.000-04:00Alice,As someone who has settled into a regular pa...Alice,<BR/><BR/>As someone who has settled into a regular pattern of moving countries each time I seem to be developing a few close friends, I also wanted to comment on this issue of transition.<BR/><BR/>At the risk of sounding like a hermit... I have realized that these periods of being in a new place without a network of friends and family close by has also pushed me to be more comfortable with the idea of just "being" with myself. I miss the companionship of others during these periods but have also learned to (at least try to) enjoy the opportunity to turn inward to be a better friend/counselor/critic/etc. to myself.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13186113760588444851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-35354433163285014912008-06-09T22:13:00.000-04:002008-06-09T22:13:00.000-04:00I think most women struggle with this no matter wh...I think most women struggle with this no matter what their situation is. Our society almost demands that women are dressed in designer clothes, wearing full make up and perfect hair, with all the accessories. When was the last time you picked up a magazine and saw women in their "natural" state? I don't know how some women do it...I have a family member who looks beautifully perfect every day. She does not leave the house without full make up and hair done, and her wardrobe is adorable. When we spend time together I think "I need to look better." (I don't wear make up very often...and when I do, it's minimal). But when I'm getting ready to go out the door, I just don't think it's worth the time it takes to do all that. Why do I need to wear make up or have perfect hair or the perfect outfit? My answer is usually vain in nature. Yes, it makes me feel good, but usually I do it so maybe other people will think I look nice. <BR/><BR/>I think it's ok to want nice things. I also agree that not having those nice things makes you appreciate them that much more. I've been married to my husband for 4 years now, and each year we do a little bit better, but I cherish our time we spent in a one room apartment. We watched a 13 inch TV with an antenna, sitting on the 20 year old mattress my husband owned! (At the time I didn't think it was great! ;) ) <BR/><BR/>I just want to say that I really appreciate this blog. I feel like I've met some new friends! It seems harder and harder to find and make and keep strong connections. I find it's even harder to find strong Catholic women to connect with. So thank you for allowing us into your lives! It's great! a.AR and J Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01576294677668505361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-57248973985813273792008-06-09T20:42:00.000-04:002008-06-09T20:42:00.000-04:00Great post Mary Alice. I have been out of college ...Great post Mary Alice. I have been out of college - married with children for about 7 years now. I still struggle with balance... A LOT. Sometimes I want to have an interior designer come to my house and the next day I won't shop anywhere but Aldi. lol Somedays I feel pretty crunchy and conservative and the next day I feel down right liberal! (and I'm not)<BR/>I don't have "super-girlfriends" - you know the friends that you know can help you out with anything at the drop of a hat - you can call them anytime. You call them to come over when you are doing bad and you house is a wreck - not just when you are having a dinner party!<BR/>I have gym friends and we talk about diet and exercise. I have homeschooling friends and we talk about.... homeschooling. They all fall under "the worn out mom" category. (Where I honestly feel like I have been lately because it's "easier". So sad.) I have neighborhood friends who are not Catholic/Christian, but someone to atleast talk with. We talk about the next big ticket items everyone is going to buy. ugh. <BR/>I have a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson in my kitchen. It says, "A friend is a person before whom I may think outloud." I really like it.<BR/>The only people in my life right now that fall under that definition of a friend are my three sisters. So as I continue to have children... we are at 3 girls and one boy...I get excited each time I find out I am having a girl knowing that I am giving them "built in" girlfriends. I hope they get along as well as I do with my sisters.<BR/>Please don't feel bad B-mama. You were just thinking out loud. I have had the same thoughts before.... I have also had a designer stroller and my kids dressed to the nines. ;) We just have to find that balance and I think we will. <BR/>You all let me know if you find out the secret before me!! =)<BR/><BR/>ps. We are ALSO moving within the next three weeks so keep the prayers coming!! Thanks! =)Annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17426983090408219395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-39435849643200048412008-06-09T19:25:00.000-04:002008-06-09T19:25:00.000-04:00Friendly Reader, I love your comments, thanks so m...Friendly Reader, I love your comments, thanks so much for your encouragement!Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361232588380298159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-66469088279019229472008-06-09T17:06:00.000-04:002008-06-09T17:06:00.000-04:00Mary Alice, I understand alot of the feelings you...Mary Alice, I understand alot of the feelings you discuss in this post, but believe me, you have not "done things backwards," you've done them exactly the right way! I have had many moments when I wished my six, messy, homeschooled kids looked like something from a Hannah Andersson catalog. I have to remind myself that getting married and starting a family before you are finacially "set" has many advantages. One, the "double income, no kids lifestyle" doesn't teach a person about sacrifice or any of the virtues one really needs to be open to life. Second, the road to being "finacially set" can be a long one, and some people wait too long to start and end up sad that they couldn't have more. Most importantly, if your broke, you can't spoil your kids. You save them from getting used to material thing and convenience items that may get in the way of their vocation later. It's an oportunity to teach them about the simple things without the temptation to spoil them.<BR/>We now have it much easier than we did in the early days of our marriage, but I'm grateful for those harder times because they forced me to grow up quickly.<BR/>By the way, being a tired looking mommy has its apostolic side, too. It gives you an opportunity to be someone to whom the other tired looking mommies turn.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-27956346373427259252008-06-09T15:29:00.000-04:002008-06-09T15:29:00.000-04:00B-mama, don't be too hard on yourself...it is so e...B-mama, don't be too hard on yourself...it is so easy to feel those insecurities and discombobulation have it come out in more strongly then you intended...it is those times when my humor always seems to come out wrong and my foot enter my mouth...you graciously retracted, so I imagine that you are moving quicker onto a more comfortable and stable path then you realize.<BR/><BR/>Alice, I so relate to this post, even though I have been in this suburban world for over 5 years now (scary) and in my current home for over 2 years. It is still a struggle to find and keep company with the type of people who nourish my mind and soul and help me to be a better, less materialistic, more mindful person. I still have people I socialize with regularly who don't do that, and yet I spend time with them because....it is just nice to have "friends"?<BR/><BR/>The good news is I am getting better at it, I made the wonderful realization that most people who I truly enjoy, have at least a few friends who I will also truly enjoy, and thus a community is built.<BR/><BR/>I am also getting better at realizing that my friends might take on different forms from where I am in my life, older/younger, more kids/no kids, yuppies/farmers, and that this is not only ok, but stretches me to find connections with them and thus new things about myself. No 92 yr old ladies in bible study like CarolinaGirl yet...have to work on that one!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-69404262247672755152008-06-09T14:24:00.000-04:002008-06-09T14:24:00.000-04:00I never realized how many of you all are in transi...I never realized how many of you all are in transition, both physically and emotionally/psychologically in your lives. As someone who made the transition from full-time working mother to SAHM two years ago, as well as preparing for our third move to a third state in three years (we close on a house tomorrow), I completely understand where you all are coming from. <BR/><BR/>My husband accepted a position as the Director of Catechetical Ministries and Education for the Diocese of Springfield in Illinois, and while this position came with a (very) modest raise in salary, the higher cost of living (we currently live in a small town in Iowa), taking on a mortgage, sending our oldest to Catholic school, and higher costs of medical insurance, it looks like I may have to take on a part-time retail job a couple of evenings a week to help make ends meet. <BR/>I feel very fortunate that we have been able to afford me staying at home without going into too much debt. But living in this small town where the cost of living is next to nil is going to be usurped in favor of my husband's dream job. <BR/>I am thrilled that he has been able to find a job that will bring him so much joy and utilize all of his talents, but that doesn't mean that our financial situation will be easier. I take solace only in the Prayer of Serenity.<BR/><BR/>God, grant me the ability to accept the things I cannot change...<BR/> the courage to change the things I can.....<BR/>and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.<BR/><BR/> God will provide. I have witnessed this first hand many times. So I wish you all good luck as I continue to clean our rental house... they load the truck on Wednesday.Bethanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00726068736912870899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-18376872862095254872008-06-09T13:43:00.000-04:002008-06-09T13:43:00.000-04:00Beautiful thoughts MaryAlice! I can really relate...Beautiful thoughts MaryAlice! I can really relate to much of what you are writing, and we have been living in our town for 3 years (and our new house for over a year). It just takes time to REALLY settle. A couple of years doesn't really do it. I'll be praying for all you ladies with transition and moves ahead. It is an exciting, but also trying time.Right Said Redhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03000769740954672341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-34187691114033425522008-06-09T13:35:00.000-04:002008-06-09T13:35:00.000-04:00Mary Alice, your post hits on SO many of my curren...Mary Alice, your post hits on SO many of my current sentiments!!! <BR/><BR/>There is so much being processed in my brain right now, so many different insecurities, I'm amazed at how they so easily came tumbling out in a stupid posting on strollers! <BR/><BR/>Not to mention I also struggle with the happy medium of materialism, which you discussed so vividly in your post, MA. How does one live in the world, but not of it? How does a mother negotiate quality over quantity and with the right motivation? How really does one avoid the temptation of the Joneses? <BR/><BR/>Tough stuff! I look forward to exploring some of these questions with you, ladies, sometime in the near future. I especially would love insight into incorporating Christ into the material world surrounding me... Yet I don't know if I'm ready to don the habit! :) <BR/><BR/>MA and Kat, prayers for smooth moves in the next weeks! Though largely "settled", our family is still very apparently adjusting. The boys' room sharing is going alright, but with less sleep for everyone. We are all a little cranky these days! GG couldn't believe I had written the Maclaren post with such animosity! What has become of me? :)<BR/><BR/>Blessings to you all...B-Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08889509365971309400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-3632925401084941572008-06-09T11:20:00.000-04:002008-06-09T11:20:00.000-04:00Hello all! First, I guess I should say I'm a CO fr...Hello all! First, I guess I should say I'm a CO friend of B-mama's (just so you won't be wondering...who is this chic?). <BR/>My husband is in the ARMY and much like in the collge world, in the Army world, it's just easier to make friends. Everyone is in the same boat and people seem more willing to make an effort to meet the new neighbors and welcome them to the community. I say all of that to say this...although still in the Army, my husband has been granted the awesome opportunity to get his MS degree at the Univ. of Arkansas. We moved here last summer and I'm still struggling to make friends. We're not the typical grad school family b/c he still makes his army salary and his grad school program is mostly comprised of working professionals who work all day and go to school at night. So, we find ourselves doing well financially, but not so much socially:) <BR/>So, after getting unpacked and finding a local church to attend, I joined a Bible study right away. And although the people are great and awesome, I didn't find anyone in the group who was going through the same things that I was. You see, I was in my first trimester of pregnancy and didn't know a soul in town! So, we would talk at church and at bible study, but not really in between. Everyone had there lives already established it seemed. Fast forward to now...my son is 3 months old and still my "best" friend here is the 92 year old lady I picked up for bible study!! :) BUT, as of last week, I have HOPE!!! I joined the MOMS group in town, without knowing anyone in it, and I think I might have already found a friend! She's new to town and has a 2 month old daughter and is also a first time mom. The conversation came with ease, which is not always the case with me. I'm kind of on the quiet side. Now, i just have to be persistent. Anyway, I just wanted to suggest to you all (as was suggested to me by our dear friend Rachel) who are moving and who have already moved, to go to the International Moms Club website http://www.momsclub.org/ to see if there's one in your area. You know you will at least have one thing in common, motherhood. Perhaps it will be a place to make life long friends!! <BR/><BR/>I did find I had to be a little persistent to get the info on how to join once I initially contacted the group, but hopefully that was just a glich in this group. Once on board though, everyone has been super friendly.Carolina Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17498731427012150836noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-2926264230952956602008-06-09T10:14:00.000-04:002008-06-09T10:14:00.000-04:00B-Mama, I also meant to say that I'm totally going...B-Mama, I also meant to say that I'm totally going to be there with you in a couple of weeks in terms of transitioning to a new community...And I am already feeling intimidated! Will I fit in? Probably not at first, but as my mom has reminded me, there are always like-minded people in any community that you move into, and it just takes a little bit of time to find them. I value this advice, since my mom has done her fair share of moving in her lifetime! Actually, I also remember feeling intimidated about going to Princeton (moving from Atlanta), and had all sorts of ideas in my head about what people would be like. Of course, most of my ideas were not correct, and I found a wonderful community of people that formed me and made me a better person, more than I could have hoped for.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361232588380298159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4839413630623850301.post-53122284985160985842008-06-09T10:10:00.000-04:002008-06-09T10:10:00.000-04:00Mary Alice, I so appreciate this post and it is ve...Mary Alice, I so appreciate this post and it is very timely for our family, as we are also about to transition OUT of life with one of us in grad school. Like you, I went straight from college to grad school, and then when I was finished ET began grad school right away...So we are just about to enter into life with neither ET nor I in school, and it's a bit scary!! I love hearing your thoughts on this, and I'm sure that I'll have plenty of questions and comments of my own once me move.<BR/><BR/>For the next couple of weeks, please forgive me while I enjoy life "inside the bubble" for the last time :)Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361232588380298159noreply@blogger.com