Mode of Dress

One comment on my previous post, "Bikini Builders," asked me to explain the following statement:

"Overall, my appearance is important to me, as I believe a put-together and at least somewhat stylish mode of dress is an important part of my witness as a Christian wife and mother."

I realize that there are a number of Christians who do not agree with me. The prominence of the one-size-fits-all jean jumper and floral print prairie dress in church circles are evidence of this fact. If you don't know what I am talking about, just attend a homeschool conference and you will see the wide gamut of interesting dress choices among Catholic mothers and their young daughters.

Dressing without concern for modern style or beauty greatly diminishes our ability to impact the world for Christ. Unlike a nun, who wears a habit to separate herself from the world, we are called to live in the world. We are called to be an example of holy, Christian living and our family is called to be an example of a holy, Christian family. Our bodies speak a language to others, and the way we dress ourselves and our children is our first statement to the world. In many instances, it may be the only statement we can make.

St. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei, makes this point in a far more eloquent manner--

I believe You should dress in accordance with the demands of your social standing, your family background, your work... as your companions do, but to please God: eager to present a genuine and attractive image of true Christian living. Do everything with naturalness, without being extravagant. I can assure you that in this matter it is better to err on the side of excess than to fall short. How do you think Our Lord dressed? Haven't you pictured to yourself the dignity with which he wore his seamless cloak which had probably been woven for him by Our Lady? Don't you remember how, in Simon's house, he was grieved because he had not been offered water to wash his hands before taking his place at the table? No doubt he drew attention to this example of bad manners to underline his teaching that love is shown in little details. But he also wants to make it clear that he stands by the social customs of his time, and therefore you and I must make an effort to be detached from the goods and comforts of the world, but without doing anything that looks odd or peculiar. (emphasis mine)

As Christian mothers, we must strike the difficult balance of detachment from worldly goods and yet presenting ourselves in a manner that is appropriate for our state in life. At a very basic level this means you should shower and make your hair presentable before leaving the house! Most of us will also need to own some formal dresses and jewelry. When we have a playdate with a friend or run to the grocery store, we should dress in manner that is appropriate for a casual gathering (for example modern slacks/jeans/fitted tops). Wearing a floor length floral print dress to the supermarket or a playdate at a local friends house would strike most as odd or peculiar. In general, our goal should be to dress in a manner that respects our femininity and beauty, but at the same time does not draw attention to our appearance. Dressing like we live in the Victorian era, not making time to shower, and/or pulling our unkempt hair up in an 80's style banana clip, are not likely to inspire others to follow Christ. We live in a secular world. If you want your faith and your values to be listened to, respected, and taken seriously, it helps significantly to dress the part.

In addition to our duty to present Christ to the world, we have an additional duty to take care of our appearance for our husband. St. Josemaria Escriva, in advising married couples, reminds wives of the following:

Another important thing is personal appearance. And I would say that any priest who says the contrary is a bad adviser. As years go by a woman who lives in the world has to take more care not only of her interior life, but also of her looks. Her interior life itself requires her to be careful about her personal appearance; naturally this should always be in keeping with her age and circumstances. I often say jokingly that older facades need more restoration. It is the advice of a priest. An old Spanish saying goes: 'A well-groomed woman keeps her husband away from other doors.'

I realize this may sound very harsh but there is great wisdom and truth in St. Josemaria Escriva's words. I can think of countless women, myself included, who neglect their appearance and think little of how this affects their husbands. Whether it be through excessive weight gain, not taking the time to shower, or regularly wearing sweatpants, many of us neglect our appearance and forget that this has an effect on our marriage. When we love someone, we should want to look nice for them, do our hair, wear a little make-up, and dress in an attractive manner. Love is in the details. It is amazing how a little attention to detail can go a long way toward growing a happy and joy filled marriage.

Not What She Had Expected

"Now, if she had been the heroine of a moral story book, she ought at this period of her life to have become quite saintly, renounced the world, and gone about doing good in a mortified bonnet, with tracts in her pocket. But, you see, Jo wasn't a heroine; she was only a struggling human girl, like hundreds of others, and she just acted out her nature, being sad, cross, listless or energetic, as the mood suggested. It's highly virtuous to say we'll be god, but we can't do it all at once, and it takes a long pull, a strong pull, and a pull all together, before some of us even get our feet set in the right way. Jo had got so far, she was learning to do her duty, and to feel unhappy if she did not; but to do it cheerfully, that was another thing! She had often said she wanted to do something splendid, no matter how hard; and now she had her wish, for what could be more beautiful than to devote her life to mother and father, trying to make home as happy to them as they had to her? And, if difficulties were necessary to increase the splendour of the effort, what could be harder for a restless, ambitious girl than to give up her own hopes, plans, and desires, and cheerfully live for others?

Providence had taken her at her word; here was the task, not what she had expected, but better, because self had no part in it: now, could she do it?"

Little Women, Louisa May Alcott

The Goal is the Path

About 10 days ago I went on my first retreat since just after college 5 years ago. It was my first retreat since marriage and having kids. One of the best parts of these silent retreats is extended time for spiritual direction with a priest. After I had talked for a bit about my struggles, he asked me if I had seen the movie, The Incredibles.

"You see," he told me, "I think you have this idea in your head of what a young, Catholic mother should be...a perfect supermom."


"You are like Mrs. Incredible. While you may occasionally called upon to do very heroic things, life is mostly like the scene where she and Mr. Incredible sit around the dinner table eating leftovers while the kids are fighting and making a mess. This is everyday, ordinary life."

I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry at the invocation of The Incredibles (so I did both...love third trimester hormones!!) since I have been blogging about our Incredible family for 2 years.

He reminded me that the goal, holiness, is the path. The path is to try out of love for God. Sometimes we will succeed, sometimes we will stumble. But where true charity and sacrifice come in is when we decide to try. When we offer a smile to our husbands when they walk in the door even when we are exhausted, when we do not become angry over the milk spilled twice in the same meal.

"What does it matter that we stumble on the way, if we find in the pain of our fall the energy to pick ourselves up and go on with renewed vigour? Don't forget that the saint is not the person who never falls, but rather the one who never fails to get up again, humbly and with a holy stubbornness." wrote St. Josemaria.

One week after the retreat I loaded the kids up and headed to the airport to fly home to visit my family. Things were going pretty smoothly until security. Since Dash usually freaks out when he has to take off his shoes at security, I didn't even have him wear shoes into the airport, leaving them in the bottom of the stroller (and thinking myself pretty clever).

However, this particular day, Dash did NOT want the stroller to go through the x-ray machine, which he let me and the rest of the airport know in no uncertain terms. So I had to pick up the kicking, bawling and screaming 37 pound Dash in one arm, the 25 pound Jack-Jack in the other and balance the wriggling, screaming mass over my 7 month pregnant belly and walk through the metal detector.

The TSA lady looked at me acutely and told me (also in no uncertain terms) that I could NOT touch the sides of the machine. In the moment I blurted out, "Are you kidding me?" to her. Not my finest moment.


But I regrouped, took a deep breath and began again. We might not make it through, but I was going to try. A very tiny thing, to be sure, but this is what is asked of us, especially mothers. To try in the little things of daily life.

And miracle of miracles, the 4 of us (me and the 3 boys) made it through at the same time without a stray, squirming leg hitting the sides thus avoiding a 4-way security wand fiasco.

So each day, each moment we have the opportunity to begin again. To not be afraid of falling, but to be determined to get up again. And we are given superhuman powers through the graces in the Sacraments that we may all try to be the superheros of ordinary life....saints.

The Pope on the Vocation of Motherhood... Whether He Knew It Or Not

A Guest Post by AWOL Mommy (Princeton grad, former military intelligence officer and mom of a 3 year old girl and a 3 month old boy) very much in tune with the theme of this blog, Building Cathedrals, and this month, May, dedicated to Mary.

I just finished reading Peter Seewald's 1996 interview with (then) Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger and I was struck by the applicability of his words to our vocation as mothers. Specifically, the Pope describes the "theology of littleness" as "a basic category of Christianity."

Littleness seems to work itself into my daily life in many ways: my companions are little, their sandwiches and socks must be correspondingly little, but, more abstractly, I often feel that the tasks I must accomplish are so little. I confuse "little" with unimportant -- which Cardinal Ratzinger does not allow. Mopping floors and folding underwear feel like little tasks - little and insignificant, however, the Pope's words in Salt of the Earth reminded me that they are not. Rather, the love which forms the backbone of my decision to be a dedicated mother who must accomplish these tasks empowers me and my family.

Daddy makes the money. Daddy flies the airplanes. Daddy has the stories... aren't these facts proof of his greater power in our family's life?

The Pope says 'au contrair' ... quite the opposite, in fact: "... the tenor of our faith is that God's distinctive greatness revealed precisely in powerlessness. That, in the long run, the strength of history is precisely in those who love, which is to say, in a strength that, properly speaking, cannot be measured according to categories of power."

We love! We love our families so powerfully that we forego countless selfish pleasures in order to accomplish all the little needs of our little people. The Pope says that we - mothers, mothers in the home, form a part of the "strength of history" - now I don't know about you, but that sure sounds great to me -- pass the basket of unmatched socks please!