I never thought I'd hear myself say...

Since becoming a mother, I've caught myself saying things that MY mom and dad said to me when I was a child...Things that I thought I would never find myself saying because they bothered me so sometimes! :)  

1) I've adopted the phrase "First things first" when talking with C, a phrase that my mother LOVED to use with us when trying to drive home the point that before you could get to the "fun" activities, you had to go through the more routine, practical activities. For example, before we were allowed to watch a TV show or go to a friend's house, we had to finish all of our homework...She also used this phrase to remind us of the order of importance of different activities - i.e. Going to mass on Sunday took precedence over getting to a birthday party on time, Getting our work done took precedence over talking on the phone, etc. 

2) Another favorite was, "Children in Africa would walk 10 miles for that _____ on your plate." I remember having a vivid image of a child walking 10 miles through the African desert just to get my portion of fried eggplant, or whatever it was that I didn't want to eat on a particular night at dinner. But of course, we use the same phrase with C when we can't get him to eat the spaghetti sauce that has "green stuff" in it :) 

3) One of the phrases that I hated the most was, "Looks like you woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning," reserved for mornings when I was particularly grumpy.  I used to say to my mom, "First of all, I'm not grumpy, and second of all, you're only making me madder by saying that!"  I was about to say this to C this morning at breakfast when I decided that I would spare him this snarky comment - isn't there something in the Bible about not provoking our children? :)

The other day I was in Banana Republic and I heard a woman say something that my mom would NEVER have said to me in a million years...The woman was a well-dressed, trim, very put together mother shopping with her teenage daughter. She held up a skirt and said, "Melissa, this one is a wider cut, so it might actually look good on you." I nearly marched right over there to tell that mother how damaging such comments are for a mother to say to her daughter, but I chickened out. My mom never had anything but good things to say about my appearance or that of my sister - THANK YOU mom! There are so many awful messages out there for teenage girls, and I can't imagine hearing those same messages from my own mother! Of course I didn't escape the body angst that most teenage girls go through, but that was mostly because of my own issues, another story for another time :) 

So, here's to all of those phrases that we swore we'd never say, and now find ourselves saying :) Do you have any to share with us? 

The General Store

Since we are chatting about finances, and I mentioned that I find it very educational and empowering to have some money that is my own to spend, I am planning to do the same for the children. I had noticed that they lose pencils, break crayons, etc, with little thought to any consequences. If they were in school outside of the home, there might be more natural consequences, but borrowing a pencil from Mom always seems like an easy option for them.

To that end, I have decided to make a "school store." The first purchase was made by Merry, who replaced her crayolas at a cost of $3 (the same price I paid at Staples). When I saw the new crayolas scattered all over the floor, I gently reminded her that she had purchased them and they were quickly and happily cleaned up. Since then, the crayons have stayed neatly in the box. It was interesting, because Merry was happy to pay for new crayons whereas PT searched high and low for his pencil rather than part with a quarter.

Merry is also really bothered by messy water colors. I can well imagine her choosing to purchase her own, and keep them seperate from the rest, rather than continuing to share with three year old artists. PT is ready for a new baseball glove, and we are going to ask him to pay for it himself, there is no occasion for a gift at the moment.

For now, this money is coming out of piggy banks stocked by birthday dollars, but next year I plan to lay in a bunch of supplies and give each child a small cash budget for the school year. Thinking about winter realities, perhaps extra mittens will also be available in the school store as well as, periodically, special treats, books, etc. I have heard that some families operate a Christmas store, if the school store is going well then I may also add that.

As with my own spending budget, one of the small goals of this financial freedom and responsibility is to make gifts more appreciated. When we have the sense that all of our needs are being met by some magical force (dad's credit card), it is easy to become spoiled. However, when we start to have a better understanding of how the world really works then that reward pencil from the dentist becomes much more attractive.

Any thoughts on what worked well from your own childhood? For those who commented on being good at budgeting, what practical tips do you have for us to encourage this in our children? Thoughts on allowance generally? Responsibility about their things, activities, etc? I know I took my husband's law school classes much more seriously because I was paying for them!

Financial planning

Recently, the hot topic around our house has been our family's budget! We're nearing the end of a two-year stint without any income, and while business school has been a great experience, I think we can all agree that it's about time for it to be over so that we can begin life in the "real world" again :) As we look at our projected budget for next year, we seem to come back to the same questions over and over again...With just about no "wiggle room" in our budget after the necessities are taken care of, what are our priorities and what are we willing to sacrifice? Every family's answer to this question will be different, so of course there are no right or wrong answers here, and that's almost what makes it more difficult! One of our biggest expenses will be our monthly mortgage payment, so we need to decide what trade-offs we're willing to make in terms of our living situation, and that decision will impact how much flexibility we have in other areas - schooling options for C (only a year away from kindergarten!), travel, gifts, dates, etc. All of these are not necessities, but how will we feel if they're just not a part of our budget for a few years?

I know that all of you moms deal with the same issues for your families...What process do you and your hubbies use for sorting through priorities and making those tough decisions? Again, I know that everyone's "final list" of priorities will be different, but I think we can help each other out when it comes to the process that we use in prioritizing. What are your thoughts?

One final thought on budgets: One of the reasons that I love having a budget the most is that it actually gives us more freedom, because if we stay within the limits of what we have allotted for each category, we know that we are doing just fine. So, if we have allotted money for dates, then I don't feel guilty about spending that money - the same goes for things like family outings, haircuts, etc. This doesn't mean that we don't try to save money where we can, but it gives us the freedom to spend the money that we have allotted because we know that we have put a lot of thought (and hopefully prayer!) into constructing our family's budget. 

Election 08'

Over at the Mirror of Justice blog, Princeton professor Robert George has contributed some helpful thoughts regarding the likely McCain-Obama matchup. Professor George is a kind man and a devout Catholic, and many of us at Building Cathedrals have had the privilege of working with him. If you are up for a little more intellectual/political discussion, check out this link. This is not meant to imply that discussing tupperware and to-do lists is anti-intellectual ;-)

While I agree with most of what Professor George wrote, I've been a bit cynical these days regarding how much a politician can positively affect these sorts of life policies. Cynicism aside, George makes some great points as to the potential negative effect of electing a truly anti-life politician. Enjoy the read.

Checking in from the Snowy South

Just a note to let all you snowbound northerners know that you are incredible! I don't know how you do it!!

We had our once-every-5-years snowfall in Texas last night. Before 8am we had built a snowman. By 10am it had melted. By noon, the snow was gone and now it is in the mid-50's.

Currently, the house is a mess with unmatched gloves, boots and hats laying everywhere. I am exhausted! I don't know how you ladies keep track of these foreign objects like "coats" and "hats" on a daily basis!

Also...in our pre-blog days we talked about vaccinations derived from the tissue of aborted babies. Here is an article of interest regarding the development of alternatives: http://www.lifenews.com/nat3768.html

To-Do Lists?

My style always has been a neat, frequently-checked, carefully-maintained to-do list on a notepad sitting alone on a relatively tidy desk.

And then I had kids.

Now that same notepad seems to scream to 3 year old Bella "take out that glittery colored pen from the desk drawer and graffiti me beyond recognition" and to 18 month old Bean "rip me into bite-sized pieces and consume me."


So, while we're on the topic of home organization, how in the world do you keep your to-do lists safe from artsy and/or hungry toddlers? Have you scrapped to-do lists altogether and come up with a better and less vulnerable system for managing your day-to-day checklists?


I've considered a dry-erase board mounted on the wall above my desk, but I'm afraid that will only encourage the kids to make their own "to-do lists" on other parts of the wall that will be none too easy to erase.

Help?

Catholic Tupperware

I asked my husband what I should post about, and he said, "Isn't this supposed to be a Catholic blog? Maybe you should write about something besides food." I calmly explained to him that eating is a sacred participation in God's creative order. He just shook his head and walked away.

Now that that's settled, let's talk about Tupperware!

When we got married, I registered for nice tupperware. Almost immediately, lids started disappearing and soon I was left with very few usable containers, not to mention nothing seemed the right size for my leftovers. Why do they give you so many really small containers anyway? If there is THAT little left, I prefer to just throw it away.

For several years we never seemed to have the proper tupperware to fit our leftovers yet we lived with this situation as I was too lazy, and we were too broke to go spending money on more tupperware. I then went through a phase where I bought all "disposable tupperware," you know, the cheap glad and ziplock variety. You can use this stuff quite a few times before it cracks or needs to be replaced. This is the current state of things in our household.

At present I have too much cheap tupperware, most of the lids don't fit with the tops--it was a big mistake to buy both glad and ziplock variety--and our tupperware drawer, or drawers are overflowing and disorganized. I dread unloading the dishwasher and having to put tupperware away. I dread having to put leftovers in the fridge and I regularly pull out a container, fill it with food, and I am then unable to find a lid that matches. There has to be a better way, have any of you found it?

If we put out heads together, I think we can prove to my husband not only a solution to our tupperware crisis, but that there is something Catholic about tupperware. Is there a Patron Saint of tupperware? Maybe someday I could be the Patron Saint of food storage devices ;-)