Putting Down Roots

With the recent purchase of our new home, GG and I have taken to our green thumb past...

I was a landscaper the summer before entering Princeton, flower planting, weeding, trimming, etc. for hours and hours in the hot sun. It was nothing less than slave labor, but I loved the feeling of having my hands in the dirt and wiping my face without a care of how smudgy it would look at the end of the day. GG was a Maine woodsman, attending over 10 summers of boys' camp at Camp Wynona in the beauty of nature and rustic living. He and his brother reminisce so fondly of their camp experiences--learning archery, forestry, sailing, and other unique "woodsy" skills. He so hopes we will oneday be able to send our boys off to camp... We'll see if this mama can let them go!

But I digress...

Our new yard is brimming with beauty, an absolute picture of landscaping wonder. The previous owners invested a bundle last year redoing the backyard and planned to live here indefinitely, only to change their minds and sell their house a year later. BONUS for us! We are already enjoying frolics among the rhodedendrons, azaleas, and dogwoods, to name a few.

But then we get to maintenance.

How in the world do we keep such a beautiful space thriving?

Our newest tip is to water less frequently, but for longer periods (upwards of 8 hours is the ideal! We (nor our water bill) CANNOT do this extreme!) in the early summer weeks. The idea is to provide ample water for the plantings and grass to encourage them to put down deep roots into the soil. This will allow them to thrive even in times of lesser moisture. Later at the end of summer/early fall, the watering should change to shorter, more frequent waterings after the roots have deeply established to make for a more hearty green space.

Whether or not we will approach yard maintenance in such a fashion, this green thumb talk has gotten me thinking. Just as the lawn and landscape take root, so God has blessed our family with the opportunity to renew itself in a new area. Here we are in a new city with a new church and the chance to make new friends. Yet as the busyness of unpacking and life establishment encroaches, God is calling us to put down deep roots, to water our soils in an attempt to establish ourselves in a Godly life, pleasing to Him. No doubt this will take ample hours of prayer, meditation, time in the Word... time that currently is "hard" to come by; time that we will have to make happen for deep roots to establish.

Last night I finally placed my Magnificat on my bedside table and realized that I have only two days remaining in the May issue. How sad that I have missed the last two weeks of Godly devotion and prayer direction due to our life craziness. Yet how hopeful it was to find it's June companion, brimming with a sense of renewal just beside it.

Today is a day to embrace.

Today is a day to put down deep roots.

The Goal is the Path

About 10 days ago I went on my first retreat since just after college 5 years ago. It was my first retreat since marriage and having kids. One of the best parts of these silent retreats is extended time for spiritual direction with a priest. After I had talked for a bit about my struggles, he asked me if I had seen the movie, The Incredibles.

"You see," he told me, "I think you have this idea in your head of what a young, Catholic mother should be...a perfect supermom."


"You are like Mrs. Incredible. While you may occasionally called upon to do very heroic things, life is mostly like the scene where she and Mr. Incredible sit around the dinner table eating leftovers while the kids are fighting and making a mess. This is everyday, ordinary life."

I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry at the invocation of The Incredibles (so I did both...love third trimester hormones!!) since I have been blogging about our Incredible family for 2 years.

He reminded me that the goal, holiness, is the path. The path is to try out of love for God. Sometimes we will succeed, sometimes we will stumble. But where true charity and sacrifice come in is when we decide to try. When we offer a smile to our husbands when they walk in the door even when we are exhausted, when we do not become angry over the milk spilled twice in the same meal.

"What does it matter that we stumble on the way, if we find in the pain of our fall the energy to pick ourselves up and go on with renewed vigour? Don't forget that the saint is not the person who never falls, but rather the one who never fails to get up again, humbly and with a holy stubbornness." wrote St. Josemaria.

One week after the retreat I loaded the kids up and headed to the airport to fly home to visit my family. Things were going pretty smoothly until security. Since Dash usually freaks out when he has to take off his shoes at security, I didn't even have him wear shoes into the airport, leaving them in the bottom of the stroller (and thinking myself pretty clever).

However, this particular day, Dash did NOT want the stroller to go through the x-ray machine, which he let me and the rest of the airport know in no uncertain terms. So I had to pick up the kicking, bawling and screaming 37 pound Dash in one arm, the 25 pound Jack-Jack in the other and balance the wriggling, screaming mass over my 7 month pregnant belly and walk through the metal detector.

The TSA lady looked at me acutely and told me (also in no uncertain terms) that I could NOT touch the sides of the machine. In the moment I blurted out, "Are you kidding me?" to her. Not my finest moment.


But I regrouped, took a deep breath and began again. We might not make it through, but I was going to try. A very tiny thing, to be sure, but this is what is asked of us, especially mothers. To try in the little things of daily life.

And miracle of miracles, the 4 of us (me and the 3 boys) made it through at the same time without a stray, squirming leg hitting the sides thus avoiding a 4-way security wand fiasco.

So each day, each moment we have the opportunity to begin again. To not be afraid of falling, but to be determined to get up again. And we are given superhuman powers through the graces in the Sacraments that we may all try to be the superheros of ordinary life....saints.

Some answers to your CCL questions

Great comments on my recent CCL post!

Just to answer a few questions:

1. The new book and materials were released in February/March of 2008. All new CCL courses are now using the new materials. They are still working on the training programs for the "specialized" courses in return of fertility after childbirth and pre-menopause. The student guide book is complete, but the teacher training in these areas is still a little rough. It will be complete in the coming months. The doctor in question was probably referring to the teacher training materials.

2. There is very little difference between Creighton, Billings, and CCL in the actual "rules" of NFP. All 3 methods are 99% effective. CCL teaches the sympto-thermal method of NFP, using all 3 signs (temp, cervix, and mucus). Billings and Creighton focus on mucus only. I personally use a mucus/cervix only method of NFP (CCL gives mucus only rules in their materials, with very clear pictures of more fertile/less fertile mucus), but I teach all 3 signs in my courses, as certain signs work better for certain women. Some women have really regular temp patterns and that enables them to better interpret a confusing mucus pattern (and vice versa). Creighton and Billings are mucus only, but the "rules" are essentially the same (especially after CCL's updates to their materials). You can take a CCL course, and then do a mucus only method of NFP. CCL's charts and materials are standardized, and they have many doctors that develop their materials and are trained on CCL charts. That being said, ANY doctor worth anything should be able to read ANY NFP chart. It's the same thing, just different symbols.

I want to emphasize again that I think all 3 teaching organizations are really great and they are all working together to make NFP more practical for couples.

3. Finally, if you are interested in taking an NFP course you can either contact your local diocese and ask about courses OR you can contact one of the following organizations directly to learn about courses/teachers in your area:

The Couple to Couple League
Creighton Model Fertility Care
The Billings Ovulation Method

4. The new manual does offer advice on charting with breastfeeding, no matter what feeding method you choose. If this is your situation, I would HIGHLY recommend the supplemental NFP course on return of fertility after childbirth.

5. Finally, if you are looking for an NFP physician, check out the One More Soul Directory for NFP only physicians and if you can't find a local Obgyn from that directory, try a midwife, they are usually much more knowledgeable about NFP.

God Bless all you women and thanks for all the comments and support!

What's going on at CCL?

The Couple to Couple League (CCL) is the largest provider of Natural Family Planning (NFP) services in the US, and it has recently gone through an extreme makeover. Making a break with the Kippleys (author of: Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing, Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood, The Art of Natural Family Planning), CCL is now promoting a more high tech, streamlined, and scientific approach to NFP. They have also adopted an altered approach to breastfeeding and child spacing and for that I give them two thumbs up! The new materials are really great, and the new student guide is a must have, with simpler rules, great computer graphics, and even a new software program (Cycle-Pro) to help chart your cycles.

Overall, I think the changes at CCL are GREAT, but I think the changes related to breastfeeding are SUPER GREAT! And here is why:

Two years ago my husband and I signed up to become NFP instructors for our diocese. We were required to receive training through CCL (this is typical of most diocesan offices), and we filled out the forms to enroll in the CCL teaching training program. This was prior to the new CCL materials and, in our application form, we were required to explain why we didn’t ecologically breastfeed our children. It was at this point that I realized just how intertwined CCL and the promoters of Attachment Parenting/ecological breastfeeding had become. If you want to know more of my thoughts on this, see a recent post of mine on this topic.

Now, I exclusively breastfeed my children, but I do not sleep with my babies, nor do I avoid pacifiers, etc. Under the old CCL regime, as NFP instructors, we would be expected to not only teach NFP, but to promote a particular style of parenting and child spacing: ecological breastfeeding/AP. At the time, we couldn’t sign the form saying we had personally practiced this type of parenting, nor would I sign anything agreeing to parent this way in the future. I explained my reasons fully in an attached essay, and we were granted an “exemption” so to speak, and because CCL was soon changing this part of the materials, we were permitted to move forward with the teacher training.

I saw the old regime’s ecological breastfeeding advocacy as problematic for the following reasons:

1. For many couples, fertility returns far sooner than couples would like, even while using ecological breastfeeding. When this happens, they are left distrusting many of the other things they learned in NFP classes.
2. Physicians, lactation consultants, and mainstream medical journals have not adopted the term “ecological breastfeeding.” This creates a disconnect between CCL and the medical community. Again, this leaves couples feeling misled about what they have learned in their NFP courses.
3. Ecological breastfeeding is REALLY difficult, and in many cases it isn’t possible to practice this method of breastfeeding—particularly in the very common situation where mom has to work part time.
4. Ecological breastfeeding is more of a parenting style/philosophy and CCL should focus on teaching NFP and promoting breastfeeding, and avoid entering into the parenting philosophy debates.

Thankfully, CCL agreed with many of these common objections, and as a result has altered their approach to NFP instruction and breastfeeding advocacy. With the new method, CCL continues to promote breastfeeding and its effect on fertility, with terms such as formula feeding, mixed feeding, exclusive breastfeeding, and continued breastfeeding. These terms are generally accepted in the medical community and explained fully in the new materials.

More importantly, CCL has moved away from prescribing breastfeeding in order to delay the return of fertility, and they will no longer refer to breastfeeding as a “form of NFP.” Rather, CCL promotes breastfeeding as part of responsible parenthood, a method of feeding that is unquestionably best for babies, and usually always best for mothers and families. While wholeheartedly promoting that “breast is best,” CCL no longer claims that a particular kind of breastfeeding is best for a particular family, and they no longer imply that an early return of fertility is the result of a mother not breastfeeding correctly. Alleluia!

Finally, CCL now provides clear and ACCURATE guidance on the return of fertility after childbirth, no matter what feeding method a family chooses.

As for how these changes came about, I don’t know the details, but I know that a lawsuit with the Kippley’s settled in 2007. For those unfamiliar with the Kippleys, they helped to found CCL, and are the authors of the original “The Art of Natural Family Planning.” Referred to as the NFP bible, the book was overwhelming in size and very intimidating for couples to flip through 400+ pages of material. The new method is significantly streamlined, and high tech, with a manual ½ the size of the old book. I think these changes will be a great help in promoting NFP and breastfeeding to a new generation of couples.

Disclaimer: While I am a CCL instructor, the previous statements and opinions are my own and I am not writing on behalf of CCL.

Tricks of the Trade

Help! My child won't eat! 

With the onset of teething a few weeks ago, 7 month-old Maria has decided that she is NOT interested in eating anything except for mommy's milk :) Now clearly, the little munchkin is not starving, but she is constantly HUNGRY and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to feed her! She has never been terribly interested in pureed baby foods, but now I can't even push the spoon into her mouth - when she sees the spoon coming, she clamps her mouth shut! I think that she may be like our eldest, C, who only ever ate food that he could pick up and put into his mouth himself :) 

So, I'm asking all of you mommies out there for some suggestions on nutritious finger-foods that I can feed my strong-willed baby! She still has quite a strong "gag" reflex, so even cheerios have a hard time getting into her tummy, but I'm sure that there must be some foods out there that I could try. She loves sucking on huge hunks of apple/carrot, but that's mostly for teething purposes since she's not really swallowing anything. Help! I'm starting to feel the effects of waking up a couple of times at night to feed my hungry child :)

Second question: How do you ladies tackle the weekly grocery shopping? Before Maria was born I would take C with me, but it has been pretty challenging to do a big grocery trip with BOTH kiddos in tow. I have occasionally put Maria in the Ergo carrier so that C can ride in the cart, but this is awkward and I'm usually exhausted by the end. Do you wait until the weekends when dad can help out? Do you use Peapod or another grocery delivery service? Do you make lots of smaller trips so that they are more manageable with the children along? I'd love to hear everyone's input!

Happy Memorial Day

"Heavenly Father, today we remember those who courageously gave their lives for the cause of freedom. In union with people of goodwill of every nation, may we all work for peace and justice, and thus, seek to end violence and conflict anywhere around the globe. We pray through Christ our Lord. Amen" ~Cardinal Maida~

Keeping Up Appearances

Okay, so I am coming to the real but somewhat sad conclusion that it is much easier for me to love my children (as in the small, day to day patience kind of love, not the more abstract God is love kind of love) when they look cute.

They are not well dressed all the time, by any stretch. A lot of it comes down to energy, those sorts of clothes are high maintenance. Also, I am not just talking about fancy clothes, a cute, stain free white polo shirt and jeans would be adorable, too. But so few of our clothes are stain free, and in the land of hand me downs I am now putting the Lion into stained, pilled clothes and sometimes don't even fit, or are pink.

Is this odd? I am finding MaryB's whine fits much easier to manage appropriately now that she has a cute haircut. Also, clean babies in nice (expensive) pajamas get cuddly bedtime stories from me, I have a harder time loving them with snotty noses in clothes from BoxMart.

This is your chance either to criticize me or to confess that you feel the same way, I am praying daily for my shaved-headed godson and his mother!

Also, any tips for keeping them looking nice on the cheap?