Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Random musings of a very pregnant builder


So I'm wondering why so many friends and family have forwarded me the link to this story? Is a 19.2 pound baby going to make me somehow feel better about my tendency to have very large babies? Or maybe this is just funny and I fail to see the humor because my due date is 11 days away and I'm rather anxious about my baby's size. I have a hope that she will be smaller than my last (10 pounds 13 ounces), I'm praying she won't top 11 pounds, and I'm really praying for a healthy delivery free of any broken collar bones. But I am frightened that a woman's body could grow a child THAT large. I'm praying my body is not capable of this feat. I don't have gestational diabetes, so that's a start.

The last days of pregnancy seem to be a real emotional battle for me. One day I'm optimistic that it will soon be over, the next moment I can actually convince myself that I will be the first woman to be pregnant forever. In the last weeks, as the sleepless nights increase, my ability to view my situation with a level head practically disappears. I start dreaming about robbing the local pharmacy and injecting myself with pitocin. I scour the internet for labor inducing techniques and I actually start believing that eating pineapple will put me into labor. In my more sane moments, I remember MaryAlice's wise words, "If chinese food or spicy mexican food or pineapple actually put women into labor, there would be no need for pitocin." I realize how irrationally I'm behaving. Suddenly, I feel trapped, hopeless, and depressed. I then think about my baby, and I feel guilty for having any depression--how lucky I am!

The insanity continues, day after day, sometimes for several weeks, and then it happens. Labor begins and in the time it takes to watch a football game (or at least I hope that's the length of my labor!), I have a beautiful baby in my arms. The babymoon ensues, and most of my suffering is soon forgotten.

The end of pregnancy is so hard precicesly because it is so unpredictable. The wait, the uncertainty, the what if's dominate those last weeks. I am reminded each day, and often each hour, that I am not in control. For a type A control freak like me, this lesson is hard to swallow. I pray for the grace during these last days to trust in God's plan, and in his perfect timing.

10 comments:

Juris Mater said...

Thinking of you all the time, Red. I know the insanity well. God bless you, friend, I'm praying for your peace (and a baby less than half the size of the young gentleman pictured above)... keep remembering the promise of your babymoon that will be here so soon.

Right Said Red said...

half the size would be totally perfect!

"H" said...

Blessings to you both!

And I have to say--19 lbs at birth?!? I can't imagine--it took my baby 14 months to get to that weight!

Kat said...

Red, we're thinking of you often and can't believe that it's almost time for your little one to be born! I think you're exactly right that the last weeks of pregnancy are so difficult precisely because of the uncertainty involved, and I know the feeling of being trapped in all of the emotions. I'll pray for your peace, and I know that lots of others are also praying for you. Those prayers are powerful!

Sophie said...

May God bless you with peace and joy these last days of your pregnancy...and with a baby perfectly sized for a healthy delivery. :)

Bridget said...

Red,

As a birth doula, I know well the concerns of pregnant mamas about to give birth. Just remember that since you are so wonderfully healthy, your little baby girl will be just the size she is supposed to be! You will be in my thoughts and prayers these last few days of your pregnancy. I hope you enjoy them the best you can- I know it can be so hard sometimes! I ate TWO WHOLE pineapples with my second baby and finally gave in for the pitocin two weeks (and some mouth sores) later.

Can't wait to see pictures! Prayers for a safe and satisfying birth experience!

Love,

Bridge

Jennifer Frey said...

Hang in there! I too HATE the last few weeks of pregnancy--it always struck me as especially cruel that nature would rob us of sleep in those final moments when we need it most! I hope you can take some time for you--some time in a warm pool or jacuzzi to relax; some time to finish last minute projects; some time to curl up with a good book you've been meaning to finish.

So many women just give in to that urge to control and sign up for a planned C-section or an induction. Kudos to you for letting God's plan unfold!

Teresa said...

Praying for you, Red!

Kate E. said...

Right there with you! For me I would like a few more weeks since this is my last week at work and I want squeeze in all those tasks...but with 2 weeks to go it is this crazy feeling of...could be a baby tomorrow or in a MONTH...the uncertainty is a bit maddening.

But even if 2 weeks late...it is still soon and like you said, then we get a new baby! I'll be thinking of you and hoping for a nice easy labor and a non-toddler sized newborn :)

Karen said...

Praying for picture, perfect birth. Oh, and don't eat anything strange because if you do go into labor, there is a good chance you will be very nauseous as well.:)