So, I have a 4 and a 1 year old, and a small dilemma regarding the big sister's "need" for privacy. I am sure this is an issue we will revisit on this blog with greater seriousness in ten years, however, I am currently wondering about the validity of a child requesting privacy.
You know what I mean, she is hard at 4-yr.-0ld-work in her room -- creating a My Little Pony corral or something -- and in saunters her, newly walking, destructive one-year-old brother. She wails, "Mommmmy, can you get him out? I need privacy." How she knows about the concept I have no idea, but that is beside my point right now. What I wrestle with is whether this is a legitimate request, or rather, whether this will ever be a legitimate request. I lean toward "no." Isn't privacy just an excuse for people to do immoral things? Perhaps it is innocent enough when she simply wants to create a project uninterrupted, but what kind of a premise am I establishing? Why can't a person do whatever he/she needs to do in the light of day? I spent many a frustrating hour in college arguing against the "inherent right to privacy" supposedly found in the Constitution that abortion-advocates like to enlist as their legislative balast. If I don't believe in the "right to privacy" outside my home, what does that mean here? Then I started thinking, Do I need "Mommy time" and isn't that really a form of privacy? Or just sanity? Is that selfish?
Perhaps this rambled, but your thoughts on kiddie privacy and the ways in which you do or do not allow it in your homes would be much appreciated.

Last night I was preparing dinner and juggling the "crazies" of the evening hour--whiny children, a play doh extravaganza on the dinner table, food prep in full effect, a famished dog needing to be fed and watered. It was shaping up to be like many of the 5pm's of days past.

But then in the middle of it all, amidst the chaos and confusion, we all heard the same thing and stopped.

It was a baby giggle coming from the Exersaucer wiggling in the middle of the kitchen. I must have done something humorous (comedian that I am! ha! :) to elicit the sweet, melodic laughs from our 6-month, J; and out they came in chorus.

Our 4-year-old M stopped his whining and began to laugh. T, 2, reverted from eating blue play-doh to partake in the moment. Soon we realized an easy peek-a-boo game was all it took to continue the baby's happiness. And we all found ourselves grinning, appreciating, enjoying... and extremely happy. At 5 o'clock.

Hours later as the last plate found its way to the dishwasher and I dried the final pan to put away in the cupboard, I smiled. The evening had been one of the most enjoyable I can remember. At 5pm it had all the makings of disaster to come, and yet it wasn't... and didn't... and couldn't...

All because of a baby.

Mercury.

Yup, it actually has mercury in it! Check out this Washington Post Article. A special thanks to Ellie and her new alternative cooking blog for the tip.

This is Dh's last week of paternity leave, and I have decided to ease the transition by pretending, during the day, that he is not actually here. This has meant two days of "real" school work while he does errands or other work around the house in the mornings.

I am doing this trial run because Tex wrote that she needs to be aware of her "ups and downs." and set herself up for success. I followed her advice and reflected on why I was so afraid of DH going back to work, and what I could do about it. Last February we totally fell apart when he went back to work, kids got sick and by Valentine's Day baby and I were in the hospital and the grandmother reinforcements had to be called in on an emergency basis.

So far, easing into the reality has been helpful, I have learned that I need to go to bed earlier in order to get up on time, since so far we have not been ready for him to leave until about 8:30, we need to gradually move that up to 7:45. This morning I am at least awake and out of bed before 7, which is a good start. I find this hard when the baby is up during the night, this morning he woke at six for a feeding so I just stayed awake, but if he wakes at 5 it is impossible not to go back to sleep, and then too hard to get up when the alarm rings. Hopefully his sleep patterns will settle in over the next few weeks.

I must admit, however, that I am a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work it takes to keep our household functioning these days, so I am going to have to do a few more things to set myself up for success (or at least survival!). First, ask for help and set up a regular time for my mother in law to come over and give me a hand with kids and laundry, second, stock the freezer with casseroles (my mom helped me do this before the baby was born and we ate them all month, which was a wonderful help), third, learn to let go of certain things -- the kitchen counter will not always get cleared before school starts in the morning, but school must start nevertheless, fourth, do not commit to outside activities that will exhaust me, especially because I can't nurse discreetly and chase a toddler through a lobby at the same time, fifth, do not get distracted by the internet! I am hopeful that we will get it sorted out, but I know that it depends, in large part on my personal discipline. This may mean that you are hearing less from me, I just checked on the blog for the first time in two days and realized that I had missed several posts and comments, but for now I need to focus on first things.

Please pray for my family as we make this transition, our baby moon is coming to an end.

Could someone please explain to me why books have dust jackets? Are they, as the name implies, to keep dust off of the books? Or to make books look pretty?

I just don't know what to do with the dust jackets. If I leave them on, they get torn and I feel badly, but now I have a stash of dust jackets and I have no idea what to do with them. Should I keep them? I am very clutter-phobic, so the thought of a big pile of paper that I will never use gives me chills. I know we have some librarians who comment regularly. Clearly, this is not the most substantial question asked on this blog, but thoughts?

I was surprised to learn of other food product recalls from stores around the country!
Be informed and aware...

My eyes are starting to fall out from staring at booster seat explanations and statistics and reviews online... I hope you don't mind if I take a shortcut and ask for your advice.

I thought our readers might be interested in this article by my grandfather's cousin, who is still an active journalist at 82 years of age. Interestingly, two New York City moms were mentioned for Clinton's New York Senate seat, Caroline Kennedy, and a current congressional Rep, Caroline Maloney (a Princeton parent). Neither of them got it. Sometimes I wonder if I will re-enter the workforce one day, and how I will answer for the large "employment" gap on my resume, certainly our time is not spent being idle.

'Mom' on a resume should command respect

I will go to YouTube and listen to a romantic song that reminds me of our courtship and the days when I ached to be married to him... I will spend 10 minutes with my kids today looking at pictures of hilarious past adventures with him... I will be sure to remember lipstick, fragrance, and a cute outfit when he arrives home tonight... and then I will let my kids see me drop everything and hug the love of my life extra-long when he walks in the door. And another long hug and kiss or two after dinner.

We are the children of Roe v. Wade. One in every four members of our generation did not escape the womb, which has become the most dangerous place on earth for a human person.

You watched it. You read about it. Thoughts?

38 days.

We were without internet for 38 days. Additionally, the outage was wholly unanticipated, so I wasn't even able to plan for the vacuum. We are talking a total descent into chaos. I learned, in early December that I am a bonafide internet addict. What Starbucks is to B-Mama, my DSL modem is to me. Oh, except that I drink too much Starbucks as well. Being without my portal to the outside world meant several things. It meant family members missing Christmas gifts, it meant driving to the airport too early to pick someone up because I couldn't check. It meant bank overdrafts, it meant unanswered trivia standoffs between Husband and I. It meant having to actually open my cookbooks again. It meat 973 unread Yahoo messages. But, most tragically, it meant missing my friends!... My B.C. buddies and my Catholic Mom Mentors in the blogosphere. I was so nervous that I would miss the pregnancy announcement here, or miss seeing photos of B-Mama turning 30 or Bella's first day of school. I am still aching to read the MaryAlice solution to Mount Washmore too. I can't believe C fell in a creek! So much to miss out on. Up here, alone with my family on the third floor of a German apartment building ;)

So, I did miss you guys, I am thrilled to be back. My household notebook has a back page entitled "potential BC post ideas" with five bullets on it. So, I won't be too queit. I have been missing my sounding board of rad Catholic moms for too long. I have a 1-year birthday to hold, restaurant etiquette questions, polemic thoughts on subsidized daycare, ideas about the blessings of living with little children, you name it, let's get busy!!!

I would like to thank all of our readers for their wonderful contributions to this blog. Your comments are most welcomed and very appreciated. Unlike many other blogs, the comments here are a source of shared wisdom and support for all you wonderful, faith-filled mothers. If you do not regularly read the comments, please do! Not only the builders, but many of our readers give great insight into how we can all be better mothers and better people. Many of your thoughts are a real encouragement to me, motivating me to keep writing and posting, even when life is busy and full of other challenges.

Last week, Kat wrote about some difficulties she was having during Mass and one of our readers gave some fantastic advice on how to handle that person who disapproves of your child's behavior during Mass. Julia A, wrote:

This is straying a little from the point, but my life as a mom during mass became infinitely easier when I realized that the best response to a disapproving matron who was shooting daggers at me (and my child) with her eyes was a feeble smile and the line, "Would you pray for us right now?"

I've been deeply moved lately by the number of times I've heard young wives--both secular and Christian--speak along these lines: "My husband and I are going to wait another 3 or so years before having a baby, until I've finished X and had a chance to do a little Y. And my husband doesn't want a baby until we're in our 30s anyway, although he'll be a wonderful dad someday. But if we got pregnant of course we'd be happy and we'd go with it. Actually, I'd probably go through the motions and cry for a day when I found out and when we were telling everyone, and then I'd flip out and be so thrilled, and we'd just re-plan our lives around a new little bundle of joy. Then it would basically be an 'accident' that we got pregnant so nobody could scoff at me."

What a beautiful sentiment and interior longing expressed. But sad as well. Women's liberation and cultural expectations that we inherited from our mothers' generation have done us a disservice in this regard. We're young and in love and newly married, and we feel a strong drive to begin the high adventure (as the "G" family wonderfully put it in their Christmas letter) of parenthood in our youth, with our beloved young spouse, while we're energetic and passionately in love. But it's been so impressed upon us as women that we're selling ourselves short to become mothers right away. So without really understanding, we follow the abstract cultural norm of "waiting a while"... but with the deep down feeling that it would be the happiest "accident" of a lifetime if a baby should come along.

Thank God for the Catholic Church, for its steadfast teaching on openness to children. What a comfort to know that God's will is for my husband and me to happily, eagerly follow that deep longing for children, and to be so encouraged in this by the Church. We're called to abandon ourselves to His plan for our family, so that the norm is openness to children from Day One of our marriage, and the exceptions are the times of spacing between babies. That's true freedom! The planning isn't on our shoulders, because what a burden it must be to carry the responsibility of planning your family the "wait a few years" way. We don't have to make excuses for our natural longing for a child or speak of it as an "accident" to protect ourselves. Instead, our Church assures us that parenthood is our primary path to sanctity, so that we can imagine the saints and angels rejoicing with each new annuciation in our family.

Anyone who lived through the glorious 80's is sure to remember Saturday Night Live's Hanz and Franz, offering to "pump... YOU up".    Dana Carvey and Dennis Nealey were an Austrian pair of body builders who often poked fun of others for lacking shape and fitness.  Pretty hysterical.

It was Socrates who said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." Kat's last post illustrates this beautifully.

A few months ago I began to notice a change in a friend....a good change. I mentioned it to my husband, and he agreed. Our friend shared with my husband over the holidays that a few months ago he started journaling daily, at the advice of a priest. This time of daily reflection coincided with a remarkable change in his demeanor.

Sometimes when we moms are in the trenches, overwhelmed by diapers, dishes and discipline, it is hard to stop and take time to reflect. I know many people like to take stock at the dawn of the New Year, to set goals or make resolutions. And some people go on a yearly retreat. This is good, but there is so much value to reflecting daily. If we just trudge through each day, we miss the meaning, joy and value of our daily lives.

We need to pause daily, even hourly, to reflect. If you take a moment to say the Angelus at noon, this is a great time to ask yourself one question about your morning. For me, I usually ask myself if I have been a model of cheerfulness to my children. A nightly examination of conscience is another great habit. This way we can set goals or resolutions daily, not just once a year.

Taking time every day can also help us see cause and effect relationships. I had a very rough day last week after my parents left town. It was my husband who made to observation that the day after my parents leave seems to be very hard for me. I had not noticed that link, though it makes perfect sense as the boys are out of their routine and I no longer have help around. Now that I am aware of this, I can try to have a very structured day planned the next time my parents leave to get us all back into our routine.

If I had a tough day, I can ask myself if I got enough sleep the night before. Sometimes this may be out of my control (the baby woke up 6 times) or maybe it's because I stayed up too late on the computer. Or maybe I have been slacking in my time of prayer. Taking time to think and pray will help our days to be more full of joy and meaning. These interior struggles to be more Christ-like will not only bear fruit for ourselves, but for those around us as well.

Over the past couple of days I have had two experiences that have caused me to reflect on human imperfection, God's abundant grace, and the absolute necessity of a strong support network for all of us as parents! Let me share my stories and then my reflections:

I have a 4 lb beef rump roast in the refrigerator that will begin its day on Wednesday in my crockpot. But how to cook it...? There are plenty of crockpot recipes out there that get the job done--you know, you throw in aromatic, fresh ingredients in the morning, flip the knob, and by dinner time you have a soft heap of something with an unremarkable flavor and a borderline-repulsive consistency. Like bad leftovers.

When these are under your tree:

And this hangs on your tree:

And this is how you celebrate your birthday:

Trouble is brewing...

You can bet there are plenty of young ones!! We had a grand time visiting with Red and her three kiddos last week.  There were 6 children total.  And the whole time I kept thinking, "I can't believe Mary Alice has this many ALL the time!"  Lots of love to my beloved Red and to all the other procreating Builders.  At this juncture, not one of us is pregnant for the first time in 7+ years.  Ladies, let's get on it!  

Almighty, eternal God, when the Spirit descended upon Jesus at his baptism in the Jordan, you revealed him as your own beloved Son. Keep us, your children born of water and the Spirit, faithful to our calling. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, your son, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Bella started this morning at a local church preschool ("playschool" is more like it), three mornings a week, and wow was it a smashing success. We've waited... and waited... and waited... and she and our family are SO ready. She loved every second, and we'll just continue taking school decisions one semester at a time!

Richard John Neuhaus, 1936-2009

Have you ever had one of those parental moments when your heart jumps to your throat because one of your children may be in danger? I've had a couple, like the time when Maria decided to hide silently under the desk in C's room and I couldn't find her for a few minutes, or the time when C was a toddler and climbed on top of his dresser/changing table and it tipped over. Those were scary moments, but I think that what happened yesterday was perhaps the most dramatic yet. Here's what happened:

NRO reports that Fr. Richard John Neuhaus is very ill:

His friends and family are keeping vigil and he was administered last rites shortly after midnight. Fr. George Rutler, who gave him the Catholic Sacrament, says that “he is not expected to live long” and suggests “that it is appropriate that prayers be offered for a holy death.”

Fr. Neuhaus has come close to this moment before and been back. If it’s his time: Go in peace. He's a man who has loved and served His Lord. When he leaves this world, his vast intellectual and spiritual body of work will have a long life here.

A long time ago, a reader asked about our system for dealing with clothing. Ours is an elaborate one, and will take several posts to fully explain, but I wanted to begin with something that we are focusing on at home right now: the laundry system.

One difficult thing about laundry, like other housework, is that it never feels "done" -- you can get all of your clothes put away, but unless you are naked while you do it there will be clothes in the hamper again before you go to sleep! I find this very frustrating, and I cannot be thinking about needing to do laundry all the time, so I have limited laundry to 3 nights a week. On the other nights I know that I am "off duty" for laundry, and I don't give it another thought.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights after dinner my children have chores. (Tuesday and Thursday afternoons we are out of the house, so this works well for us). While some empty the trash cans and diaper pails around the house, others bring all of the laundry from the various hampers (one in each bedroom) to the laundry room. Ideally, they use a laundry basket for the gathering so that the hampers stay in their places.

Once the children are in bed, I sort the laundry into three piles, whites for bleach, lights and darks. When we are in survival mode I often don't sort, but right now we have several new, bright red articles of clothing, so it is well worth the effort. With all of our laundry, I usually have enough for one white load, and three or four color loads. I use ALL Free and Clear on everything, so I do not need to wash baby clothes separately. Diapers do get their own load, though, usually last! Our washer and dryer are pretty fast, so I just start doing a load at a time while I clean the kitchen and do the rest of my evening routine. I pull out a few things to hang to dry but most of it goes in the drier. I try to be as non-anal as possible while still doing the job properly, it is all about getting it done! Once the kitchen is all cleaned, I put on the TV (reruns of John and Kate plus 8 are a favorite for this) and get folding. As I fold, I sort by owner so that I end up with 8 piles of laundry as well as a pile of kitchen linens (we use cloth napkins, dish towels and rags, so there is a fair amount of kitchen laundry).

In theory, the sorted clothes get put away by each family member first thing the next morning, but this is where our system was breaking down a bit -- if it doesn't get put away immediately, I find a crawling baby quickly knocking over piles of clean laundry, which is just depressing. This week, we have tried to fix this by purchasing eight small, handled laundry baskets. They stay stacked in the laundry room until it is time to fold, and now we fold and sort into a basket, so we wind up with eight baskets of clothes instead of piles. For the little kids, at the end we sort the laundry by dresser drawer so that they can put it away easily. Before breakfast on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday we empty the baskets and return them to the laundry room. If the morning is going to be very busy, we can at least get the basket to the right room and out of the living area, with a plan to put away the laundry at quiet time or before bed.

I will confess that I do not have a regular time for washing sheets and towels, which means that this does not get done as often as it should. I cannot decide whether it would be best to pile this on to one of the wash days or to do it on one of my "off" days. Making up 7 beds feels like a huge chore to me.

Sometimes, like after a trip or during illness, laundry piles up and gets out of control, at which point I don't mind devoting a day to getting back on top of things. If I am folding during the day, I have taught the children to fold napkins and dish towels -- helping with this saves me work and also keeps them busy while I fold the clothes!

So, this is what works for us, we don't own enough clothing to do laundry only once a week, and if we did the task would be too big for me. Doing laundry three days also means that if I miss one day for some reason I am not too far behind, but unless things are really out of control I try to force myself to wait until the next laundry day, I do think that it is important to have rest days set into any system. The kids help at the beginning and the end of the laundry job, and this makes a huge dent in what I have to do, especially when I am pregnant and tired, it is great not to have to carry laundry up and down stairs.

We put away our decorations this morning, and it is nice to be in an uncluttered home thinking about the routines that make our life hum along, using the extra time with Dad (our organizer) to improve the routines, and getting ready to embrace the comforting rhythms of ordinary time!

I've been quasi packing my Christmas gear and wondering how folks out there handle the transition of seasons from Christmas to ordinary time?  As of right now, we are planning to keep up the tree and door wreath until the official end of Christmas this Sunday.  Down went our candles in the windows yesterday.  Down goes the lit garland around our door today.  If you were to look down our street, you'd have a hard time believing Christmas was just over a week ago!  

Multiple times I have had to explain that I am taking this wallpaper down because it is ugly. Gianna (age 4.5) just cannot understand how anything with flowers and the color pink can possibly be ugly.

Stripping wallpaper is one of the most awful, time consuming home-improvement tasks. In light of this fact, I believe it is sinful to wallpaper your home. Someday, someone is going to have to take it down. It will be a terrible experience for that person. If, in full knowledge of this fact, you insist on wallpapering your home, you should go to confession.

I hope you all had a wonderful time with family and friends over the holidays. I haven't been online much these past few weeks because, like MaryAlice, we have been experiencing "Saturday Everyday" for the past few weeks. No school schedule, no gymnastics, no morning routine, none of our staples that keep us grounded. We have had some wonderful family time, but I am ready to get our life back in order. It all begins today, the first work/school day of 2009.

As an unrelated, but interesting aside, I saw this piece today at CNN--Baby Born in Midair. I guess giving birth several thousand feet above the Atlantic makes a homebirth look like an unexceptional experience. I do not recommend flying when you are 8.5 months pregnant!