Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Playdates with Twins

Dear friends, I have a "playdate etiquette" question for you :)

C, who is 4 1/2, would like to have a playdate with his friend H (in his Pre-K class) on Friday afternoon. H has a twin sister, also in C's class, and I am wondering if I should also invite her over to play. I think that C would prefer to just have H over without his sister, but I'm sure that they would be fine if she came along. 

So, my question is two-fold: 1) Parents of twins, particularly twins who are boy-girl, do you usually prefer to have both of your children invited on a playdate, particularly when they are so young? And 2) How have other parents dealt with this issue when inviting children over to their house to play?

Thanks for any advice you can give me!


MomVee said...

My 10-year-old daughter was friendly with a triplet last year whose mother told me she liked to have the girls invited places on their own. Since you are willing to do it either way, I would just ask H and C's mother what she prefers.

B-Mama said...

As an aunt of twins, I will vouch for my sister's desire for them to have their own identities. The fact that they are both boys, however, makes the issue more difficult because they are often bound to have mutual friends.

I would say because the twins are boy/girl, you are especially safe asking just one to a playdate. As momvee suggested, though, you could always ask the mother what she would like. Maybe she needs a break! :)

Elizabeth M said...

I agree! Some moms of twins (or other multiples), or event the kids themselves, are of different minds on this. I ran into it at preschool too when my son was having a "boy" birthday party and I asked the mom of the boy/girl twins first if it was OK to just invite her son. It was fine, but she was pleased that I asked first.

I'd call the mom and ask if it works for them!

Elena said...


As a mother of boy-girl twins (5.5 yrs.), I would appreciate a call to see if I thought both should be invited. Up until recently, I used to like if both twins could be invited. However, I find that they now can easily comprehend that an invitation might be boy-only or girl-only. Although there are times that I want them both to get an invite, I also enjoy some alone time with the twins to get to know them better (in the absence of their twin). Just call their mom and she what she says. p.s. As a twin-mom: thank you for being so sensitive as such invitations may appear harmless from the outside but can wreak havoc within the twin household.

Mary Alice said...

Well, I agree with everyone, but I will weigh in to say this was a complicated issue when my brothers were little, twin boys may still have different friends, but it is more awkward to leave one out.